I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
