I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
