I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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