Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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