He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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