Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
