left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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