Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
