Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
