no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
