I cannot find my penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
