Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
