How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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