Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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