woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
