Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
