My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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