girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
