we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
