i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
