we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
organizing the empties. That sober.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
