dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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