I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
