i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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