I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
