Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
