i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
