She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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