when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Success! We fucked roommates!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
