I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
