he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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