don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize