My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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