her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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