Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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