Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
