I got chris browned last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
