Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
