I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
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a queef is a wish your heart makes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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