would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
