You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
