forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
