Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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