Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
FUCK WHALES
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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