We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize