Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
