I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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