Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
