i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
