Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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