tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
