Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
