can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
