If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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