I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
