Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
