Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
