oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
