My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
