She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
