NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
