sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
