Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
