a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
