Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
