Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
