dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
