He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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