I think my fart just growled at me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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