i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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