id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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