I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
