You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sober January is a disaster.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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