I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
