Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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