my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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