Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
