I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
