Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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