You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
