Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
